Signs of Life

The past few months have been a long journey for us. Back in December we found out we were expecting our first baby. Shortly after that we received the shattering news that we had miscarried. Then my eyes were opened to this new world of loss that is much more common than I had ever known. Painfully too common. Several of our friends and family members went through the same thing right after our loss.

We are now expecting another baby. The past few weeks have felt very tense. Like we were holding our breath, but at the same time excited that this could really be true. I couldn't fully rejoice until I saw that there were signs of life.

This morning we had our first sonogram and were able to see the baby and the heartbeat. I knew that going in to the appointment that it may have been too soon to see the heartbeat, but thankfully we saw the little flutter across the screen. This was a huge relief. And I would say that part of my soul was restored when I saw the picture on the screen.

Rewinding a few minutes--While Shaun and I were waiting for the doctor to see us, Shaun had brought a book and decided to read some more. He came across a few lines that put things in perspective for me. From The Magician's Nephew (Chronicles of Narnia):

"Well, you know how it feels if you begin hoping for something that you want desperately badly; you almost fight against the hope because it is too good to be true; you've been disappointed so often before. That was how Digory felt. But it was no good trying to throttle this hope. It might- really, really, it just might be true."

After hearing that I realized that deep deep down I had hoped that this pregancy would lead to a healthy delivery, but I was too scared to joyfully anticipate it. The first loss seemed all too fresh and it felt naive to think that everything would be okay this time. But after seeing the doctor today we are reassured that everything is healthy and developing in the way that it should be. This is worth hoping for!