Grace

What is Grace? I find myself (Shaun) asking myself that very question right now. More specifically, why do I not offer grace to the people that need it the most, when they need it the most? I grabbed a Strongs (Biblical concordonce) to find an answer to my question. I find it very intersting that there are only 4 different "meanings" for this word Biblically (2 of which are used 99% of the time (all but once in each the old and new testament). 170 times grace is used and 168 of those times if meant the same thing to the audiance that would have heard it (this is the new testament word) charis "the state of kindness and favor toward someone often with a focus on a benefit given to the object". So that hurts me a little bit, you see I am writing this just a few hours after leaving a memorial service for my wife's grandmother. On the ride home I look over and say is everything ok Rach you look upset (and not the sad upset of Nanny is gone, but the upset of that jerk just cut me off). So I asked why and she just said I am not sure why I am just tired and easily aggrivated right now. So at this point I wish that I could have been super-sensitive husband and really opened up and we could have had a great converstaion at this point about everything that has happened over the last few days and the last few months really, not so much. We sat in the car in the silence (only around the corner after we picked up the mail). Then we get home and I turn on the TV, without much regard for what was on just wanting something to be on in the background, it was Jerry Springer. I barely even noticed until out of the other room I hear an angry "what are you watching", it was Rachel and when I listened to what was being said on TV (I had already basically tuned it out) it was an bleeped out fest between two of Jerry's guest's. Again I wish I could have been super-husband and truly heard what my wife was saying instead of reacting the way that I did. I angrily looked over and said I don't know what is on TV and why do you care you are on the computer. So as I am sure I am the only person that has ever done this I wanted to take the words back, in fact rewinding a few minutes in time would have been great. Of course I didn't get to do this so I am left to pick up the pieces that my words have left behind. It is also what led me to the place of asking the question not only what is grace but, why do we not show it as often to the people that we love. Does my lack of grace show a lack of love. Why in the times that I know I should show restraint in my words (5 minutes after being told by my wife that she is tired and easily aggrivated). Why do I expect Rachel to be completely tuned to me and readily able to show me grace, yet when the shoe is on the other foot, I don't realize until after I have already wounded with my words. Since this is basically where my thought ends I guess this is the best place to end this edition ...