I am going to be a what ...

Here is another thought from the mind of Shaun (this could be a bumpy ride that doesn't make much sense)
So if you have been reading this blog you have no doubt seen that my wife is expecting a baby. It has very much been on my mind what this really means, this means one thing I AM GOING TO BE A DAD. I have paused several times per day over the last month to fully let this sink in and some how it has not sunk in. As I begin to think that in less than 9 months my life will become even less about what I want and more about what my wife and child want and need. I wish that I could say that there is some huge spiritual revelation that has come out of this but alas nothing (that I can see right now) however one thing has come out of it and that is the name of the aforementioned child. I am beginning to wonder things like, What does my name mean, why did my parents pick my name, what should I name my child, will my child later resent their name because of some cruel and unforeseen joke that is made of their name, will the chosen name be one that people look and think what on earth where that kids parents thinking (sorry this is one HUGE run on). I think that the most important thing that has been on my mind is "what will the name that Rachel and I choose tell our child about them". As I look at the meanings of names the child begins to take shape in my mind and my dreams and hopes and goals are already formed, how will I react when these dreams are shattered (as they undoubtedly will be). Then other thoughts begin to fill my mind, am I ready to "settle down" in a career right now that will last for the rest of my life. What is the best way to pass on some of the things that I have learned in my (still short) life.
As I begin to look at pregnancy and the life that will be entrusted to us (Lord willing) I am begging to see God and how amazing His word is (so I guess this may be the deep spiritual revelation). I begin to see a God that is knitting together a child in the belly of my wife. I am beginning to see the absolute precious balance that must be struck in the female body for this type of thing to happen (and realizing that we men can not handle such a thing). I am beginning to wonder what does my name say to those that I come in contact with, and what does it say about who I am. All this to say, OH MY GOODNESS I am going to be a freaking dad in less that 9 months. Here is one of those questions that I have continually asked myself (and please don't feel like you should respond positively just because) what kind of father am I going to be? I have the aspirations to be "that guy" as a dad (I have seen this in play several times and have loved seeing the joy that the sons and daughters take in knowing/having "that guy"). These aspirations are quickly met with the "you don't have what it takes" (I have also seen this in and seen the shame that is there). What I come back to continually is "God, please begin to prepare my heart to be the kind of father that you would have me be". There is way more in my head right now but this is about all that is coming out. This has been a jont (<-spell checker says that this is not a word but you all know what I mean) in Shaun's head.